I want to give my whole heart to God alone

I've been feeling distant from God recently, as if a knot has been tied in my heart somehow. I can't figure out why exactly, but the spirit has gone from me. Last night in my prayers, I cried out to him. I asked why he's been hiding from me. Why God, have I not really felt you in my life lately? Today, it just occurred to me that I'm the one to blame. Other than the fact that God is blameless, my heart has been wrapped up around other personal issues. These struggles present an opportunity for me to grow even closer to God. These struggles present opportunity for extended prayer, reflection, seeking more of God's will. I used to spend hours thinking about God, joyfully smiling at his creation all around me and feeling amazed (may be foolish to others, but the fact that it could've appeared so and yet I didn't yet, was awesome). Lately things have been a little different. Could it be because I am starting to let myself take over again? Trying to organize and plan the future, forgetting God's sovereignty and failing to focus on what I can give him in the now. Forgive me Lord, for I have strayed. Hidden behind the mask of business in my church life and school life (ironically, spending a lot of time at Regent hasn't really "enhanced" things much, so to speak. I am profoundly excited to take spiritual discernment next term, of which I got the confirmation letter in the mail today! Regent makes me feel like I'm home where I belong (much more so than the CEME building that is merely a concrete block!) :o)

I wonder, with Christmas time being a time of great joy and thankfulness because Christ sent his only son to die for us so that the world may be saved, how many of us are running around like chickens with their heads cut off because we are simply so busy with life stuff?

I want to give God my whole heart, its entirety. A few days ago I was thinking about what I was holding back from God. Maybe it's the wholeness of my heart and will to serve and obey him. I pray that I can once again spend hours thinking about him. I pray that as before my bus rides and walks around campus will be full of thoughts about the greatness of God, and my love and immense appreciation for him. I pray that I will never cease to pray.

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.

Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,
Till released from flesh and sin,
Yet from what I do inherit,
Here Thy praises I’ll begin;
Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Here by Thy great help I’ve come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.

Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood;
How His kindness yet pursues me
Mortal tongue can never tell,
Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me
I cannot proclaim it well.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

O that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace;
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day.

Jesse let back in my room tonight. He's been shut out the last few nights and he's not been too happy about it ;oP