Ever since the family has left, a lot of things have been on my mind. Isn't it funny (at least for me) that being with family always brings out the best and the worst in you? Or should I say, that being with your family always stirs up some of the most intense feelings that I've ever felt. My immediate family, consisting of my parents, myself, and my two sisters, are scattered around the world, here in Vancouver, back in Taiwan, over on the East coast in Jersey, and way down under in sunny Australia. It seemed inevitable that each child in my family would need to escape to each experience their own taste of freedom, to have a chance to learn to stand up for our own, to realize that what we have been taught all along may not be the truths that they want to believe as we grow to become adults, and (thankfully) to experience God in our own different ways. It feels a little bit like we are all, in our own ways, trying to break through that layer of protection, that almost suffocating shield of our parents' protection, to enter the free world and see things with our own eyes...
Parker's sermon today was on forgiveness. Not only was it on forgiving, but also forgetting. It seems that God can read my mind, as I've been seeing messages about forgiveness everywhere in and around the city. Perhaps it's the liturgy? (now there's the doubtful side of me again!). His message was a sobering, and challenging one. He said that our characters are made up of 1. the sins that we have committed against others, and 2. the sins that have been committed against us. The LORD God has not only blotted out our transgressions through the death of his son Jesus Christ but he makes it a point not to remember them. Forgetting on purpose is an act of will, it is not something that passively just happens to us. Of course the mighty God would be able to remember everything that has ever happened in this world, including all the words we've spoken, and all the thoughts we've had. But, for our own sakes he makes it a point to NOT remember the sins that we have committed, because to forgive is also to forget. If you haven't forgotten, then you haven't forgiven.
Well in that case, I haven't really forgiven many people in my life after all. I think especially of those people that I deliberately do not forgive. There are some people who have hurt me so bad, or have hurt the ones I love so bad, that sometimes I don't ever want to forgive them. I want to make them pay for the damage they have done. An eye for an eye, right? But then, Parker said something that really hit me. If you hold on to the sin that has been committed against you and let it turn into anger and bitterness, you yourself too will become the perpetrator of that same sin. He was right. Recently I had started to notice behaviour in myself that I myself detest so much in another. I do not want to let the sin that has been committed against me dictate who I am, and who I will be in this world.
The act of forgiving and the feat of forgetting is likely the most challenging things to do in our lifetime (at least in mine!) But isn't it the core of our faith centered around the death of Christ on the Cross, that he suffered so our sins may be forgiven? Just as God forgave us, sent his only son to die for us so that we may be pardoned, we are to forgive others. But, it ain't as easy as it sounds. I still have many questions. What if the person who you are trying to forgive continues to act in a hurtful way? Are we called to constantly forgive (perhaps we are, because we do constantly sin). And, how is it that we will ever erase from our mind the traumas we've gone through in the past? Parker said that it wouldn't be a walk in the park, and it doesn't happen over night. Just like our faith, our relationship with God, forgiving and forgetting comes with time. I found it encouraging that we are not asked to forgive on the spot, as if directed by some Nazi soldier. This will come bit by bit, in our walks of life, in which Christ walks with us. Like working towards achieving any other goals, if you work at it, one day, with the empowerment and guidance of God, it will come. The same goes with receiving forgiveness. If we let a past mistake cover us in shame, we have not openly accepted that God forgives us no matter what horrible or heinous thing we have done in the past. We can never, ever be free if we become locked in the sins that have been committed against us, and the sins that we have committed against others.
After the service today, a friend came up to me and said that I looked "emotionally drained" and asked if I needed pastoral care. I was taken aback. This was someone that I hadn't seen in a few weeks. But it appears that he looked right through me, and saw the rock that weighed in my heart. In retrospect, I realized tha it was God speaking to me, letting me know that he was in the know. And isn't it in these desperate times, that we let go of our stubborn selves, and fully and willingly submit our weak and broken selves to God.
Tonight Jeff and I sang a few songs together with his accompaniment. Suddenly I was moved to tears. I had told him earlier that I was moody, and he was concerned that these were tears of sadness. But, they were actually tears of consolation. Being in this relationship has made me become aware of a lot of my own tendencies to sin, but it has also made me realize how much I (we) need to continue to pray to God for his guidance and his help. At that moment, I felt the Grace of God with us, and knew that he is faithfully walking with us through everything, just as we always pray for him to...
Parker's sermon today was on forgiveness. Not only was it on forgiving, but also forgetting. It seems that God can read my mind, as I've been seeing messages about forgiveness everywhere in and around the city. Perhaps it's the liturgy? (now there's the doubtful side of me again!). His message was a sobering, and challenging one. He said that our characters are made up of 1. the sins that we have committed against others, and 2. the sins that have been committed against us. The LORD God has not only blotted out our transgressions through the death of his son Jesus Christ but he makes it a point not to remember them. Forgetting on purpose is an act of will, it is not something that passively just happens to us. Of course the mighty God would be able to remember everything that has ever happened in this world, including all the words we've spoken, and all the thoughts we've had. But, for our own sakes he makes it a point to NOT remember the sins that we have committed, because to forgive is also to forget. If you haven't forgotten, then you haven't forgiven.
Well in that case, I haven't really forgiven many people in my life after all. I think especially of those people that I deliberately do not forgive. There are some people who have hurt me so bad, or have hurt the ones I love so bad, that sometimes I don't ever want to forgive them. I want to make them pay for the damage they have done. An eye for an eye, right? But then, Parker said something that really hit me. If you hold on to the sin that has been committed against you and let it turn into anger and bitterness, you yourself too will become the perpetrator of that same sin. He was right. Recently I had started to notice behaviour in myself that I myself detest so much in another. I do not want to let the sin that has been committed against me dictate who I am, and who I will be in this world.
The act of forgiving and the feat of forgetting is likely the most challenging things to do in our lifetime (at least in mine!) But isn't it the core of our faith centered around the death of Christ on the Cross, that he suffered so our sins may be forgiven? Just as God forgave us, sent his only son to die for us so that we may be pardoned, we are to forgive others. But, it ain't as easy as it sounds. I still have many questions. What if the person who you are trying to forgive continues to act in a hurtful way? Are we called to constantly forgive (perhaps we are, because we do constantly sin). And, how is it that we will ever erase from our mind the traumas we've gone through in the past? Parker said that it wouldn't be a walk in the park, and it doesn't happen over night. Just like our faith, our relationship with God, forgiving and forgetting comes with time. I found it encouraging that we are not asked to forgive on the spot, as if directed by some Nazi soldier. This will come bit by bit, in our walks of life, in which Christ walks with us. Like working towards achieving any other goals, if you work at it, one day, with the empowerment and guidance of God, it will come. The same goes with receiving forgiveness. If we let a past mistake cover us in shame, we have not openly accepted that God forgives us no matter what horrible or heinous thing we have done in the past. We can never, ever be free if we become locked in the sins that have been committed against us, and the sins that we have committed against others.
After the service today, a friend came up to me and said that I looked "emotionally drained" and asked if I needed pastoral care. I was taken aback. This was someone that I hadn't seen in a few weeks. But it appears that he looked right through me, and saw the rock that weighed in my heart. In retrospect, I realized tha it was God speaking to me, letting me know that he was in the know. And isn't it in these desperate times, that we let go of our stubborn selves, and fully and willingly submit our weak and broken selves to God.
Tonight Jeff and I sang a few songs together with his accompaniment. Suddenly I was moved to tears. I had told him earlier that I was moody, and he was concerned that these were tears of sadness. But, they were actually tears of consolation. Being in this relationship has made me become aware of a lot of my own tendencies to sin, but it has also made me realize how much I (we) need to continue to pray to God for his guidance and his help. At that moment, I felt the Grace of God with us, and knew that he is faithfully walking with us through everything, just as we always pray for him to...
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