From Fenelon

While browsing at the Regent Bookstore about a month ago, my eyes spotted a small paperback tucked at the very corner of one of the lower bookshelves.  I had been going through a rough time back then, and I felt the title of the book spoke out to me.  It simply said "Let Go".  I picked it up and brought it home, when it proceeded to sit on my bookshelf for the next month or so.  When I started reading it a few days ago, I was struck by how much the words spoke me to me.  It feels like God is speaking to me through the words of the author Mothe Fenelon, Archbiship of Cambrai, France.  It is a series of letters written to an recipient unknown to the reader, on the topic of, well, letting go.

On Sunday I was having a bit of an off-day.  A few things put me off right at the start, and I must have been looking to vent off my negative energy by picking a fight with the poor J.  I blew up, knowingly unreasonably, blew up...  Later I was recounting my day and the feelings that I had felt, not many of which were "Holy" and "Godly".  I realized the darkness of my heart, and how much sin I still bore within me.  I felt frustrated.  After all this time, I was still so full of sin.  Had I not become more like Jesus?  Had not the fruits of the spirit been growing in my heart?  

Then, I came upon this while I was reading Fenelon that night.  I wanted to share this excerpt with you because it reminds me (and us!) that God doesn't love us for our perfection, but our weakness.  And that as Christians we strive not to be perfect first, but to give ourselves to Christ, to be completely broken and fallen, as we are, in front of him.  Only then can his Grace pour down on us ;)

So do not be surprised at again finding yourself becoming sensitive, impatient, haughty, and self-willed.  You must be made to understand that this is your natural disposition, and without God's grace, you will never be anything different.  "We must bear the yoke of the daily confusion of our sins," says St. Augustine.  We must be made to feel our weakness, our wretchedness, our inability to correct ourselves.  We must give up hope in ourselves, and have no hope but in God.  Yet we must bear with ourselves, never flattering ourselves, but never neglecting a single opportunity to correct ourselves.

We need to understand what kind of people we really are while waiting for God to change us.  We need to become humble under His all-powerful hand.  We need to become submissive and manageable as soon as we sense any resistance in hurry to judge, but think through your decisions, your likes and dislikes.  In your daily living, stop at once when you are aware that you are getting in too much of a hurry.  And do not be too eager even for good things.  Take your time.