Another long while since I've blogged. Life has been busy lately, and I admit that my spiritual life has been slipping. Thankfully, even when I've strayed, the grace of God always brings me back into his arms. Somewhere deep inside my heart, a little voice would tell me that I miss the LORD. I miss being close to him, I miss thinking about him, conversing with him. I miss being completely dependent on him (although I'm not sure if I was ever able to let go enough of my pride to completely depend on the Lord).
I spent the week in New Jersey with my sister and brother in law. Being with them made me feel so at home. There was a sense of closeness, a certain safety that I felt, sleeping on the blow-up mattress in the living room of their small one-bedroom apartment, knowing that family was close by. I am also grateful to God that he has listened to our prayers and have walked by my sister during some tough times in the past months. I left New Jersey feeling a tinge of sadness, and with a strong sense of wanting to go back to visit again soon.
Perhaps I had gone ahead of myself thinking that everything was going to be alright. Or rather, that God was going to make everything better now. I was wrong. We become closer to God and we get to know God better so that we can do his will. We put our trust in God, knowing that he always gives us the best. Often times though, our visions are short. We want what is immediate. We want to see the results right away. After getting home tonight, a conversation with another family member reminded me of just how much our family (and each of us!) needs God's grace. Humans are complex animals, with complex emotions. When there is a problem, especially if there has been a long-standing problem, there is not simple way to make things right straight away. There is no switch for us to turn on and expect everything to be perfect all of a sudden. Just like every other worth-while and rewarding things we do on the earth, for something to improve, time and patience is needed. Time, patience, and lots of God's grace and love to fill in the dark and confusing places between mis-communication, past hurts/bitterness, and of course, our undying egos.
In the few moments as I spoke to the family member, I felt tension rise up inside my heart. But then I remembered God. Or rather, God remembered me. He spoke into my heart, and told me to trust him. The journey to reconciliation and healing is still on-going. In fact, it is only until we are returned to the Lord that we are given new and perfect bodies and minds. Until that day, the road we walk may require a lot of steps to be re-taken. Tonight, I was reminded of how much I (and we) need God, and I am beginning to learn to hand over all I have to him. Because it is in the dying of self, that we gain eternal life...
Perhaps I had gone ahead of myself thinking that everything was going to be alright. Or rather, that God was going to make everything better now. I was wrong. We become closer to God and we get to know God better so that we can do his will. We put our trust in God, knowing that he always gives us the best. Often times though, our visions are short. We want what is immediate. We want to see the results right away. After getting home tonight, a conversation with another family member reminded me of just how much our family (and each of us!) needs God's grace. Humans are complex animals, with complex emotions. When there is a problem, especially if there has been a long-standing problem, there is not simple way to make things right straight away. There is no switch for us to turn on and expect everything to be perfect all of a sudden. Just like every other worth-while and rewarding things we do on the earth, for something to improve, time and patience is needed. Time, patience, and lots of God's grace and love to fill in the dark and confusing places between mis-communication, past hurts/bitterness, and of course, our undying egos.
In the few moments as I spoke to the family member, I felt tension rise up inside my heart. But then I remembered God. Or rather, God remembered me. He spoke into my heart, and told me to trust him. The journey to reconciliation and healing is still on-going. In fact, it is only until we are returned to the Lord that we are given new and perfect bodies and minds. Until that day, the road we walk may require a lot of steps to be re-taken. Tonight, I was reminded of how much I (and we) need God, and I am beginning to learn to hand over all I have to him. Because it is in the dying of self, that we gain eternal life...
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