Today as I was organizing my CD's (as I have been on a organize-y mood lately) I came across a birthday CD my little sister made for my 22nd birthday and college graduation. I was overjoyed as I thought I had lost it. I opened it up and found a note she had written me. I started to sob, then tears just poured down my face. It was a mixture of joy and sadness. Joy to discover the love she had for me, and sadness to know that we haven't been that close for years and that she is far away in Australia. Had I pushed her away? Could I have been a better sister to her? I think answer may be yes. But in any case, what is in the past is in the past. I was a child, a lost lamb, and perhaps I didn't treat those around me as well as I should have. My mind lingered to the other times that I have mistreated my most beloved family members and the memories pained me. I asked God, "Why is it that we hurt each other? Especially the ones who are closest and dearest to us?" Only as I have matured in Christ and walked away from my self-centredness have I started to discover what it means to love others and serve others. No, it isn't all about me.
Having said that, I also think one of life's greatest pain is regret, especially regret that we didn't love someone as well as we should have. Of course, we are sinful human beings and the love we give others will always be imperfect. Yet, it is comforting to know that with Christ in our hearts perhaps we can learn to love like him - selflessly and because we have been loved first by God.
I have come to the realization lately that we love because God first loved us. In Henry Nouwen's book, he reminded us that we are not to gain God's love by the things we do, he already loves us just as we are. If it is so that we have the love of God in our hearts, we can love others well, just because! There doesn't need to be a reason. Right now I am closer in friendship to my older sister, but I love both my sisters the same. I am much closer with my mom and my dad, but I love them both the same. Deep down, my love for them is something programmed in me - something placed inside my heart by the Father. I don't think I could have said the same before I really experienced the love of God myself. Because, before I operated on the world's rules on who's worthy of love - those who we get along with, those we respect, those who are 'nice' and 'just' and 'normal'. But the fact is, Jesus calls us to a higher truth than this self-satisfying, selfish way of loving others (i.e. we love them because they make us feel good about ourselves). No, we love because God first loved us.
I used to operate in the mindset of the world (and I know I will always struggle with this one). But I know God's truth that we are to love people just because they are our mothers, fathers, siblings, husbands, wives, friends - they are God's children. I find liberation in knowing that I love my family, well, just the way they are. I am so grateful that I have this family, that God has placed me in this family. Because if I were put in another family, they wouldn't consist of the same people as those in my current family! None are over-achievers, none of famous, or ridiculously rich, none are any more than normal, yet I love them to pieces, and that's the way it should be!
Having said that, I also think one of life's greatest pain is regret, especially regret that we didn't love someone as well as we should have. Of course, we are sinful human beings and the love we give others will always be imperfect. Yet, it is comforting to know that with Christ in our hearts perhaps we can learn to love like him - selflessly and because we have been loved first by God.
I have come to the realization lately that we love because God first loved us. In Henry Nouwen's book, he reminded us that we are not to gain God's love by the things we do, he already loves us just as we are. If it is so that we have the love of God in our hearts, we can love others well, just because! There doesn't need to be a reason. Right now I am closer in friendship to my older sister, but I love both my sisters the same. I am much closer with my mom and my dad, but I love them both the same. Deep down, my love for them is something programmed in me - something placed inside my heart by the Father. I don't think I could have said the same before I really experienced the love of God myself. Because, before I operated on the world's rules on who's worthy of love - those who we get along with, those we respect, those who are 'nice' and 'just' and 'normal'. But the fact is, Jesus calls us to a higher truth than this self-satisfying, selfish way of loving others (i.e. we love them because they make us feel good about ourselves). No, we love because God first loved us.
I used to operate in the mindset of the world (and I know I will always struggle with this one). But I know God's truth that we are to love people just because they are our mothers, fathers, siblings, husbands, wives, friends - they are God's children. I find liberation in knowing that I love my family, well, just the way they are. I am so grateful that I have this family, that God has placed me in this family. Because if I were put in another family, they wouldn't consist of the same people as those in my current family! None are over-achievers, none of famous, or ridiculously rich, none are any more than normal, yet I love them to pieces, and that's the way it should be!
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