The Calling

I spent the day studying at the Regent Library. It felt a little bit strange to be memorizing the ins and outs of advanced soil mechanics amongst a bunch of theology students, but it was great. Luckily for me, team JD was with me practically the entire day and introduced me to many of their friends. So, I felt right at home (plus many people had MACs like I did...hehe). Thanks team JD. I am so grateful to have you guys in my life (along with JuJu, AK and others). Dreams drove me home after we all had dinner together and we got to talking a bit. It is so very strange, but I have never really felt that close to any other friends as I do to the brothers and sisters at Church. It is a little bit hard to explain, but it feels like we are family, like each time we are together God is present as well.

God has put a desire in my heart. What it is I cannot concretely (or surely, rather) put my finger on just yet. I'm still praying faithfully each night and waiting in anticipation for him to reveal his purpose for me. Alongside my prayers of meeting someone I can spend the rest of my life and have a family with, I feel the bubbly excitement in my heart knowing that God is preparing something/someone that is perfect for the way he has made me. It's like waiting for something that you know will be received by not knowing when it will be received (in times when my trust in him is strong). My soul has felt the sweet dampness in the air before the rain storm's arrival. Surely the rain will bring relief to the drought in my heart that thirsts to know my creator's purpose for me (what good is the most brilliant invention if it does not know what it was made for???).

I've been noticing the small but miraculous ways that God has been changing my heart. Yes, it is HIM not I! Through him I have become more loving and less judgmental. My relationship with Chia chia has become better. I am only realizing how judgmental of her I used to be. Then I would lament about why we didn't have the closeness that Wenzi and I had, like wall sisters "should". I was such a fool. Only now do I see how much I used to put her down with my supposedly "caring" advice. Nothing can be achieved through judging, but only through constructive encouragement. Of course, I often feel that it is not I who has become more of one way or the other, but it is the Holy Spirit that dwells in my heart that fills my heart up with the love of Christ. Of course, I am still a person who gets irritated easily and impatient, and totally IMPERFECT. But there are moments when the spirit fills my heart with Christ's love that it feels like it's over-pouring. I wonder if I can ask God to grant me so much love that it is literally flowing out of me like an artesian well (it's a geology thing!). Could I have so much love (love of Christ, as he loved all human kind) that I can love those who are impossible to love? Love those who have hurt me? Love those who put me down or hate me? In him all things are possible... I saw a poster for someone needing a bone marrow transplant and wondered if I would be a match...

I see that I have sort of gone off on a tangent, maybe the Holy Spirit was really writing instead of me. I was supposed to write about that little voice in my head that has been calling me. But, perhaps I'll save that for another day~