A test of faith today - who do you love more Debbie? Yourself or the Lord your God? Sounds like a simple enough question for the standard Christian. We are called to love God above all else. And loving him selflessly as he has loved us, loving him not because by doing so we will receive more from him (it is only by his Grace that we receive his love and providence, not by our good deeds), is not always easy. We're very selfish people. Or I should say, I am a selfish person. My heart swells over emotions based on fickle feelings, I let things take over, my mind becomes boggled with these thoughts. These thoughts that used to be thoughts about God day and night. Now I can't help but let my mind wander to myself, my heart shut off and confined from letting the Holy Spirit in. Just when I felt like I was really growing spiritually, I am hit with a 'situation' so to speak. And I'm humbled, because no matter how close I get to God, I am still weak. And is it in the willingness to admit my weaknesses that God's strength may shine? It's been awhile since I have felt confused, and even a little bit scared...
But (there's always a but, I seem to be able to predict precisely when people are going to say the "but" when they speak), coming before God and opening up my heart to him, I feel the rush of love flowing back into my heart. I think (I want to!) I do love him above all else. Truly and desperately I want his will to be done, in my life, and I'm willing to accept whatever he has planned for me. Because I trust him and know that he will always keep me safe from harm, if I just hang on to him. Or maybe that in itself is a selfish thought? How do we want to walk in God's light, what is our motivation? For the sole purpose so that we may be blessed and we will receive from him eternal life, or because we just want to glorify and honour our creator? It is the wee hours of the morning and I may not make much sense (my apologies!). What I was trying to say is, focus on God and you can't go wrong. He will light the fire in your heart to love him full heartedly, without reservations or agendas. I think that is when we will experience true joy, joy like wanting to scream aloud on a mountain top, joy spilling out of our hearts like shaken up (a lot!) coca cola :o)
Blah... at the end of the day, and at the end of all things messy and confusing and heart wrenching and soul gutting (I'm being dramatic here...), I still love God the most!
But (there's always a but, I seem to be able to predict precisely when people are going to say the "but" when they speak), coming before God and opening up my heart to him, I feel the rush of love flowing back into my heart. I think (I want to!) I do love him above all else. Truly and desperately I want his will to be done, in my life, and I'm willing to accept whatever he has planned for me. Because I trust him and know that he will always keep me safe from harm, if I just hang on to him. Or maybe that in itself is a selfish thought? How do we want to walk in God's light, what is our motivation? For the sole purpose so that we may be blessed and we will receive from him eternal life, or because we just want to glorify and honour our creator? It is the wee hours of the morning and I may not make much sense (my apologies!). What I was trying to say is, focus on God and you can't go wrong. He will light the fire in your heart to love him full heartedly, without reservations or agendas. I think that is when we will experience true joy, joy like wanting to scream aloud on a mountain top, joy spilling out of our hearts like shaken up (a lot!) coca cola :o)
Blah... at the end of the day, and at the end of all things messy and confusing and heart wrenching and soul gutting (I'm being dramatic here...), I still love God the most!
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