Lamentations of the heart

A friend of mine told me a story about a family member who had left her husband for another married man. She has met this man while doing volunteering work in a far away country, and she is now planning on divorcing her husband and marrying this new man. I had met her family member's 'ex' husband last year when my friend invited me to spend a weekend with them at his cabin. Strangely, I felt saddened by this news, because I had met the two as a couple and now it was hard to imagine that they would no longer be man and wife. Compared this someone who is in a relationship (not yet bounded by the legality of marriage, or the joining of a man and woman as one in God's eyes) and staying committed despite of struggles with attraction to another.Polar opposites... ? In the case of my friend's family member, what does marriage really mean to her? It feels as if it's just a piece of clothing, easily disposable after it's worn out. What happened to the vows of "till death do us apart"? Why even get married if you can just chuck the whole thing out when problems arise and jump into another relationship hoping that this one would fit you better. If that was the case, why even get married. Just keep having different relationships..... In the latter case, one has got to wonder what kind of God, if he was all loving and awesome (as he is!) would prepare someone for you of whom you cannot give your heart to completely and fully (like a chocolate cake with all the icings on top!) as easy as devouring an ice-cream sundae on a scorching summer day. God doesn't tease or torture, he is easy to figure out, he is the truth.

There is so much I have to yet to discover about God. He is truly a mystery, a riddle that cannot ever be figured out. When the Holy Spirit filled my heart it felt like I could do anything and everything. Now as I journey on the road of life of which the purpose to to continuously discover and know him more, I realized that I must develop my own relationship with him so that I can get to know him well from my perspective. Contrary to what I thought I believed, I think our God may walk somewhere in the middle with regards to the above situations/implications. He made marriage honourable and scared and something that is meant to last. However, I believe God also encourages relationships, for us to explore our own feelings and test our boundaries as singles from which he's created us with. God walks the path of righteousness and he is never twisted or testing.

As to my lamentations of the heart? Well, the mystery of God could be something that is lamented or celebrated. I suppose that after my lamenting, I will still hang on to God. Because he is my hope. And this hope derives from the mystery that is God, he will never let us. down. This hope comes from the fact that God has granted us so much, our free will, to decide for ourselves, while always there to gently nudge us towards the right path. And at times the cloudiness of the secular world prevents that from happening :o(

Yikes, I am embarrassed to say that I'm seriously falling asleep here just after a few drinks at the Coppertank tonight. Saw a friend there from church tonight...weid! This is Debbie signing off, saying that I'll not stop pursuing God, and someday, I will know him better (start a lil tomorrow and add more the next day!).