$16

Today was the Alpha weekend away, held at Fran's house close to Granville Chapel.  All day I was struggling with an inner demon who kept tugging at my inner conscious.  I find myself acting aloof to J, consumed by negative thoughts.  In the afternoon, when Andy prayed the prayer to invite the Holy Spirit to come inside our hearts, I prayed earnestly.  I remembered Nicky Gumbel saying that doubt prevents the spirit from entering, I so tried hard not to doubt.  Yet, it was still hard.  Later in the night I remarked to J that during this time I kept thinking that someone may at any moment break into tongues, or would fall down on the ground and tremble madly, as a sign of the spirit's presence ;o)  But, minutes passed and there was only quietness between us.  Had the Holy Spirit come among us?

After Alpha J and I walked back to my place.  It was about a 20 minute walk and it was only then he he told me he had been suffering from a stomach ache the entire day and he had agreed to us driving the car back to my place during the break because he knew I had wanted to get a walk in.  His confession made me feel very selfish.  If it had been myself in pain, I would've voiced it loud and clear, and would not have sacrificed a car ride for something as "trivial" as wanting to take a stroll.  We made it home in one piece, thankfully, and proceeded to stop by a drop-in clinic on Broadway.  Afterwards I wanted J to stay with me for dinner but I knew he wanted to go home so I told him to go home to get his rest.  

I was supposed to go to a dinner tonight, of which I had already bought the ticket for, for $16 dollars.  Because I went to the clinic with J I opted to sell my ticket and get my money back.  After J left my place, a thought occurred to me that I really should spend the night with him instead of going to fellowship because he probably needed me.  Yet how unselfish it was for him to never have asked me to do so.  "I'll pick up dinner on the way home", he had told me.  Something told me (confirmed by my mother thousands of miles away) that I should go over, and bring dinner.  So I did.  And it wasn't until I picked up my take out order and was on my way over that I realized my dinner cost me exactly $16.  I was amazed and thanked God for reaffirming my decision to be there for J for the night.

Yes, the Holy Spirit had come among us and yes, he lives within my heart!  More and more, God is moulding me into a brand new person in Christ.  My love for him has deepened in ways that are very hard to explain.  For the second time in the week, the passage on the fruits of the spirit have been preached to me.  The more we are like Christ, the more we are transformed to hold the characteristics of God, the more we have love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control.  It just makes so much sense!  And, it is my prayer that God will continue to do his work in me and through me ;o)