The Heart and Self want selfish things, but what does the LORD God want of me? Am I bold enough to put my fate in his hands. If I know that what he promises are only good and satisfying things for me, what then is my fear? There is the battle of within the heart, then there is God. I must uphold God to the highest. I must pursue him with all my heart and my soul, all my might. If I decide that I will give my life to Christ, I must take up that cross and follow him. There is a fear of losing, a resistance to wanting to let go, and idolizing of the romance and family. Romance and family, they are lovely. But it is God, not I, who decides what will happen in my life. I am here to serve, and to follow, even if it means loneliness, pain, and suffering. For I don't want to gain the world and lose my life, but rather, I want to lose my life for Christ's sake, and in turn, gain eternity with him. It is so against my sinning nature to go against the feel that I feel, the want that I want. But this I must deny myself.
"Fill Him with passion for you, God!" I plead.
Silence
"I feel like I have nothing left. I am broken! My heart raw and exposed. Come cover it God, the wound stings from the rain."
Fa thump, fa thump... fleshy red, loud, beating, gashed...
"Damn you, for making me love you! Damn you for taking me away from my God! What happened to purity, growing closer to God together?"
"But you, you did these things to yourself! Ha ha! You want to lash out your anger at somebody, blame someone. But in the end, you only have yourself to blame!" Satan sneers at me. "You are not worthy of God's love!"
I am a little ball in the dark. I have nothing left.
"Come towards the light, child. Leave your worries and thoughts to me. Leave him be, he is in my hands too. To love is to let go of control, give it wings and let it fly. If it comes back then you know it's yours. I have waited for you while you have been gone. Now I am so glad you have come back, and I want to take care of you. I want to love you. I want to cherish you. I want to refine your soul. I want give you all my blessings."
Me?
I'll keep crawling towards the light...
"Fill Him with passion for you, God!" I plead.
Silence
"I feel like I have nothing left. I am broken! My heart raw and exposed. Come cover it God, the wound stings from the rain."
Fa thump, fa thump... fleshy red, loud, beating, gashed...
"Damn you, for making me love you! Damn you for taking me away from my God! What happened to purity, growing closer to God together?"
"But you, you did these things to yourself! Ha ha! You want to lash out your anger at somebody, blame someone. But in the end, you only have yourself to blame!" Satan sneers at me. "You are not worthy of God's love!"
I am a little ball in the dark. I have nothing left.
"Come towards the light, child. Leave your worries and thoughts to me. Leave him be, he is in my hands too. To love is to let go of control, give it wings and let it fly. If it comes back then you know it's yours. I have waited for you while you have been gone. Now I am so glad you have come back, and I want to take care of you. I want to love you. I want to cherish you. I want to refine your soul. I want give you all my blessings."
Me?
I'll keep crawling towards the light...
No comments:
Post a Comment