Today was not a particularly easy day on the heart for me. I woke up early to attend the morning prayer service at St. Mary's. It was a dark, cold, and extremely rainy morning. The service was short, about 20 minutes. I enjoyed the responsive readings from the Psalms, as well as the scripture. Yet, the darkness still loomed in my heart.
Many things tend to weigh down my heart, mostly I worry about others - friends, family members. I desperately want to help them but sometimes, I just don't know how to. I think of my own family, and its deeply trenched problems, and I wonder if my life and my future family can be affected with some remnant scars?
But then I remind myself of the Hope that the Lord offers. And how good he has been to us over the past years. For Christ brings redemption and new life. In him we are made new. Gone with the old, and in with the new. In the midst of my deep thoughts with furrow brows, it's as if God spoke directly to my heart. I suddenly realized that what enslaves me is the worldly pursuit for happiness, and also a underlying disobedience to God. Of course, there is nothing inherently wrong with being happy - it is God's gift. And as human beings, I believe God wants Shalom for all of us. (note: Shalom = peace, completeness, welfare) However, we do live in a broken world. And it is through the brokenness around me that brings me to my knees and cry out to God. It is through my suffering that I have grown close to God.
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. {Rom 5:3-5 NIV}
As I look back on my Christian life (the serious part), it is truly through the difficult times that I have grown the most. An important point that I should make, as my roommate points out, that while suffering is inevitable, there are some suffering that should be dealt with as quickly as possible, to the best of our abilities. An example would be abuse, or illness that is treatable. But for other kinds of suffering - ones that we face from day to day - we must hang onto God to be our Rock and our Guide...
Back to the prompting of my heart by the Spirit (how God spoke). I understood that the meaning, the purpose of life, is not for the pursuit of happiness. Happiness itself cannot be our pursuit, otherwise it becomes an idol in itself. But if we are serious Christians, then our call is to follow Christ. Then the call for our lives become radically different from the others. We are called to know God, and through knowing God, we discover who we are in his eyes (in his making of us). In that process we discover the purpose of God for us. Suffering, it is what makes life real. I cannot always be thinking, if only I had this and that, then I would be much happier. This is it, right now, this is life, the life God has given us. I want to use up each moment to serve my LORD. And yes I am aware it sounds easier than it is, for we are selfish and self-indulgent creatures - we want to do what makes us feel good, rather than to wait on the Lord to see what he wants for us. We can let many things become our idols - even serving the church itself. That is a dangerous but very muddy boundary that many of us get carried over without even knowing.
To know and develop a relationship with God, to Love God and to experience his love for us - that is the meaning of my life. Yes, I suffer the suffer that I do. But it is through suffering that I know God, so what is this suffering compared to having that close intimacy with Christ? What is this life other than to prepare us for our eternal life with God?
How can I, with the things I've experienced and the things God's taught me through these experiences, along with my gifts, serve God? That is something I still need to seek God's wisdom for.
Many things tend to weigh down my heart, mostly I worry about others - friends, family members. I desperately want to help them but sometimes, I just don't know how to. I think of my own family, and its deeply trenched problems, and I wonder if my life and my future family can be affected with some remnant scars?
But then I remind myself of the Hope that the Lord offers. And how good he has been to us over the past years. For Christ brings redemption and new life. In him we are made new. Gone with the old, and in with the new. In the midst of my deep thoughts with furrow brows, it's as if God spoke directly to my heart. I suddenly realized that what enslaves me is the worldly pursuit for happiness, and also a underlying disobedience to God. Of course, there is nothing inherently wrong with being happy - it is God's gift. And as human beings, I believe God wants Shalom for all of us. (note: Shalom = peace, completeness, welfare) However, we do live in a broken world. And it is through the brokenness around me that brings me to my knees and cry out to God. It is through my suffering that I have grown close to God.
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. {Rom 5:3-5 NIV}
As I look back on my Christian life (the serious part), it is truly through the difficult times that I have grown the most. An important point that I should make, as my roommate points out, that while suffering is inevitable, there are some suffering that should be dealt with as quickly as possible, to the best of our abilities. An example would be abuse, or illness that is treatable. But for other kinds of suffering - ones that we face from day to day - we must hang onto God to be our Rock and our Guide...
Back to the prompting of my heart by the Spirit (how God spoke). I understood that the meaning, the purpose of life, is not for the pursuit of happiness. Happiness itself cannot be our pursuit, otherwise it becomes an idol in itself. But if we are serious Christians, then our call is to follow Christ. Then the call for our lives become radically different from the others. We are called to know God, and through knowing God, we discover who we are in his eyes (in his making of us). In that process we discover the purpose of God for us. Suffering, it is what makes life real. I cannot always be thinking, if only I had this and that, then I would be much happier. This is it, right now, this is life, the life God has given us. I want to use up each moment to serve my LORD. And yes I am aware it sounds easier than it is, for we are selfish and self-indulgent creatures - we want to do what makes us feel good, rather than to wait on the Lord to see what he wants for us. We can let many things become our idols - even serving the church itself. That is a dangerous but very muddy boundary that many of us get carried over without even knowing.
To know and develop a relationship with God, to Love God and to experience his love for us - that is the meaning of my life. Yes, I suffer the suffer that I do. But it is through suffering that I know God, so what is this suffering compared to having that close intimacy with Christ? What is this life other than to prepare us for our eternal life with God?
How can I, with the things I've experienced and the things God's taught me through these experiences, along with my gifts, serve God? That is something I still need to seek God's wisdom for.
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