Stranger at home

It always feels a little bit odd walking around the streets of Taipei.  Every time I come back to Taiwan, out pours a mixture of emotions from my heart.  Sure, I have now lived in Canada longer than I have lived in Taiwan, and would consider myself to be a proud Canadian.  Yet there is always something about this Island that I can never let go of.  I might temporary forget it for a while if I've been away for too long, but each time I come back I find myself more and more mesmerized by this place - the mountains and the seas, the people, the different sounds and smells - strangely familiar yet foreign at the same time.  It's a hard feeling to describe, and I'm not sure if I could ever put it on paper.  When I'm in Taiwan, I often find myself wondering what my life would be like if I hadn't moved to Canada.  How different would I be?  I find myself longing to be able to write in Chinese, as I've always found the language to be more expressive in English.  I see the busy people walk pass me on the streets and wonder if they can tell that I don't quite belong.  It's a strange feeling to be surrounded all this Taiwanese people as a norm, when in North America finding out that someone else is Taiwanese is a delight and brings a sense of kinship.  

I wonder if I'll bring my children back to Taiwan often, and if they'll bring their children back here?  It is sad to realize that as I grow - get married, have children, continue to live my life in Vancouver, that Taiwan may drift further and further away, until it becomes almost like a figment of my imagination...

I don't think I could ever break my ties with this Island.  Even if I'm far away.  Having been born on this soil, I think I am therefore forever connected to this Island and its people.  I know that every time I hear an old Taiwanese song being played, I will always think of, and miss, my Taiwan.  There's something about the Island that holds onto your heart.  As I get ready to go to bed, I can still hear the hustle and bustle outside - the MRT running in the distance, someone pressing on the accelerator of their autobi (autobike), a dog barking - still tbeing ingrained onto my heart.